Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
