ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
