Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
