Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
