It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
