Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
