Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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