I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
