turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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