tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
