Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
