my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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