my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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