dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
