im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
