i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
