Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
