yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
