I feel great
I just peed on a car
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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