I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
