Pants 0. Shit 1.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
