Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
