do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
