she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
