Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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