So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
