Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
