I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
