I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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