you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
