you turned your livingroom into a bong?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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