I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize