I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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