are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
