why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
