Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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