i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
where are my pants?
in the oven.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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