you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
