there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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