I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
