if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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