all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
