Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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