I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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