So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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