Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
