haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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