:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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