mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
