beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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