she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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