Yo dont text me then not text me
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
