i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
