I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
