Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
