i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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