can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
