It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize