I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
