this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The adults are the big ones right?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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