so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't deserve a penis
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
