Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize