i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
