Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
