So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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