i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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