One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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