If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
