just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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