I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
This is not my ceiling
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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