Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Go christen that room with your naked body.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
