If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
