The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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