i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
