i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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