i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
