omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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