That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize