so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
