one word: firstdatebathroomanal
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
