Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
