Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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