the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
