Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
