Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
