i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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