Can Purell be used as lube?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
