Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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