I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
