I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
