We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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