So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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